Do you ever wonder why when you think about making a change, you find so many reasons why you can’t do it instead of how you can? It’s not procrastination. It’s essentially fear, but the fear comes from the narrative in your head that is there to keep you safe, which in turn keeps you from taking risks and it’s the very thing that keeps you from making progress or moving forward in life. But what if those limiting beliefs that are holding you back are wrong? What if you could reprogram those beliefs? And what if by doing so, you could become un-stuck and move forward in your life, maybe even towards a new you?
We all have an inner narrative in our heads that includes limiting beliefs. Most people don’t even know the limiting beliefs are there. I never even knew what limiting beliefs were, nor did I know I had them (and I certainly didn’t label them as “limiting beliefs”). But through my personal self discovery, I learned that I do have them. In fact, we all have them. And if you think you don’t have them, think again! These blocks, barriers and resistance are natural and automatic, and every human faces them. They are a part of how our minds work.
Limiting beliefs are tricky because they hide in the subconscious mind. They are like computer programs in our heads that are running in the background, unnoticed by us. They cover every topic relevant to life as a human on this earth ranging from career, finances, relationships, habits, health, and so on. They serve a purpose, and they exist because they protect us, usually from trauma or pain and generally, they come from a place of good intentions.
Here’s what limiting beliefs sound like: “You can’t be a pilot because you are afraid of heights.
You shouldn’t apply for that job because you aren’t as qualified as other candidates. No job is fulfilling. You can’t have a lot of money unless you work long and hard hours. You can’t lose weight because you don’t have the willpower. Your relationship will never work because you are from totally different worlds. You must stay in a loveless marriage that isn’t serving you because you can’t afford to leave it, or you don’t want to be alone, or because of the children. You are predisposed to get certain illnesses because of your genetics. You shouldn’t buy that house because you can’t afford it. You aren’t enough (smart enough, worthy enough, strong enough, experienced enough, etc.). You are too young, too old, too fat, too thin, too uncoordinated, too unorganized.” And on and on they go. We learn to believe this is the way it is and thus we are taught that that we can’t control our limiting beliefs. They are not your fault.
Limiting beliefs are deeply rooted and are ingrained in us from childhood thanks to our parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, other family members, doctors, teachers, preachers, friends, the bully at school, politicians, etc. But they are also ingrained in us through the media, commercials, news, TV programs, etc. These beliefs also exist because of the way we are rewarded for good behavior throughout our lives. We learn these belief systems over the years and then we move through life creating experiences that match those beliefs.
The bottom line is that limiting beliefs prevent us from trying something we think we are incapable of doing. But how can we expect to become better humans if we don’t even try? If we don’t risk, if we don’t set our fears aside, if we don’t reprogram or upgrade those computer programs running in the background of our minds, how can we achieve in this life? How can we change our situation, our lives or even the world? Really the only limit is in your mind. Because we believe so deeply, it’s hard to change limiting beliefs and deep inside, we don’t really think we can control or change them (BTW, that’s another limiting belief).
Limiting beliefs are things we typically say to ourselves to justify why something isn’t working out for us, and we are comfortable with that. Those beliefs sound perfectly true, valid, and reasonable. And we can probably come up with lots of evidence supporting those beliefs. But it’s still a limiting belief and frankly it can get in the way of what you truly want and who you really are.
So how are some people able to move past their limiting beliefs and do amazing things when others can’t? Honestly, those who can’t really can, they just don’t believe that they can. The only difference between those who are successful and those who aren’t, is that the successful people find ways to deal with the normal blocks and barriers that come up automatically while unsuccessful people let that natural resistance stop them.
Guess what? We can change our limiting beliefs. Here’s a fact, you are the editor of your own life story. Responsibility for change rests solely in your hands. That process starts by identifying your limiting beliefs.
What if the beliefs you hold aren’t completely true? What if a more fulfilled relationship is richer, fuller and more fun because you are from different worlds? What if willpower isn’t what it takes to actually lose weight? What if money came to you easily by doing something you love, instead of working long and hard? What if you could avoid those family illnesses altogether because you are you, not your relatives? What if you are smart enough? And so on….
Trent Shelton the former NFL football player once said, “If you think you can’t, you won’t. If you think you can, you will.” Perhaps something inside of you is nudging you to make a change? Perhaps now is the time to become conscious about those limiting beliefs and confronting that inner narrative? Perhaps it’s time to identify a new, more positive, more confident, inner narrative! It’s never too late to confront those limiting beliefs and change them.
Why go through all this trouble? Because we are all on this earth to do great things! I decided to make some changes in myself, and my life and in that process, I uncovered the limiting beliefs that were holding me back. In doing some inner work, I was nudged to go back and read some of my older journal entries. I didn’t want to do it as reliving the past wasn’t something that appealed to me. But I pushed myself to do it. I pulled out the old journals and forced myself to re-read them. I planned to spend no more than an hour doing it, and it ended up being 3 hours.
The exercise opened my eyes and more so, my heart. I felt so many emotions. I laughed, I cried, I got angry, hurt and felt true joy and accomplishment all over again. And a pattern emerged through my own writing. There were several instances in my young life where I engineered my future in spite of the limiting beliefs ingrained in me at that point in time. Of course, I also stepped in many piles of poop along the way, and things didn’t always work out, but as I read those old journals, it became obvious to me why the things that worked, worked, and why the things that didn’t, didn’t. And it all had to do with the belief that I COULD DO IT! Every time I think about it, I have so much gratitude for whatever force nudged me to re-read those old journal writings.
I shake my head in astonishment in overcoming some of the limiting beliefs that I overcame. I really did have some great wins, and re-reading those journals reminded me that I could change my inner narrative and those crusty old beliefs and crush them. If I could do it then, I could do it now, and probably on a much larger scale and certainly with a lot more grace!
I’ll share an example from one of my journals just to give you a sense of what I’m talking about. I had just graduated high school (in three years instead of four). I had a “real” grown up job making twice the money as most of my friends, and I expressed to my parents that I wanted to go to college. Instead of being encouraged by my parents, they told me all the reasons why I couldn’t, which ended up holding me back a whopping 6 years! They told me that college is expensive and there was no money for me to go. If I went to college, I’d have to apply for student loans and I’d end up paying for those loans for the rest of my life. That I was smart enough. That I already had a good job and “girls” don’t need to go to college. That it would be impossible to work full time and carry a full load at school. And so on.
Although I am smart (wink), none of those other things were true! I found a way to overcome every one of those limiting beliefs and then some, and I focused on the direction I wanted to go.
Not only did I get my bachelor’s degree, but I went on to earn a Master’s degree too (with honors)! And I didn’t take one student loan along the way.
I hit the motherlode in those old journals. I couldn’t stop reading them. And repeatedly I found proof that my limiting beliefs could be overcome By changing my personal narrative.
Because our beliefs become a self-fulfilling prophecy, good or bad, if we let our limiting beliefs keep us stuck and stop us from moving forward in our lives, we’ll simply get more of the same, that seems to be how it works. But what if the lie we held so close to us for so long could be proved wrong? What if we confronted those beliefs head on and told ourselves a new and improved story of positivity, and courage coupled with our adult wisdom, strength, and vision? What would our lives look like then? Limitless!
I mentioned that a pattern emerged to me because of reading those old journals. And without even realizing it, I had been using a system to overcome limiting beliefs in my life without even knowing it. It ended up being a 5-step process outlined below:
1) Find a journal, a pen and a quiet space where you won’t be interrupted for 30-60 minutes. Grab some tissue just in case you get emotional as some topics are much harder to work through than others. Title this page “What Would I do if I Couldn’t Fail?”
I find it easiest to start with something you want to change or achieve or something that you don’t like in your life. It could be anything, health, finances, career, relationships, whatever. On one side of the journal page, write down the specific thing that you want to change or achieve, and why. Think about what you want less of in your life? Is it less stress, less overwhelm, less financial difficulties and struggle, less difficulties in relationships, less pain, injuries or disease in your body, less emotional upsets and drama? Then think about what you want more of in your life. Is it fulfilling purposeful work, better relationships/partnerships, true love, financial prosperity and abundance, better health?
Next on the opposite side of the page, write down all specific thoughts and feelings that come up related to what you want to achieve and write them down. And just below those negative feelings is where the limiting beliefs lie. Feel into it and identify those limiting beliefs.
2) Once you get those limiting beliefs identified write them down on a new page titled “Limiting Beliefs” Acknowledge that they are just beliefs, not a truth. Limitations aren’t real (as much as we believe they are). If you argue for your limitations, you get to keep them. But if you want to move forward and grow, you need to make a conscious change. It’s ironic how limiting beliefs lose power over us as soon as we consider that they may not be true. No one likes to be wrong (thank you ego), but if you can set your ego aside and challenge yourself to imagine a world where you might just be wrong about your beliefs, it can change your life!
Here are some examples:
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- I want a better job but there aren’t any good ones
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- I want better relationships, but I can’t attract the right partner
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- I want to leave a toxic relationship, but I can’t make it on my own (financially or emotionally)
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- I want to make more money, but the economy is bad
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- I want to leave my toxic job, but I’m too old to compete
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- I want to lose weight, but I have no willpower, I don’t want to change my habits, I’ll probably just fail again
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- I want to buy a new home, but I can’t afford it, my credit is bad, I can’t save for a down payment
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- I want to start exercising, but my knee is injured again
3) Now with all those limiting beliefs written down, what do you do with them? Title this new page, “Belief Formation” Think about how you formed this limiting belief. I bet you’ll find that almost every time, it was from your parents and grandparents. Just know that they all did the best they could based on their own limiting beliefs (remember we all have them). Write down where they came from and see if you can identify anything that truly supports the belief? Think about why you held on to this limiting belief for all these years. Write it down on a new page. By writing them down, it’s a way to help release them from your mind.
4) Next, it’s time to start a new page titled “New Beliefs” This is where you get to be creative and try on a different belief that is more aligned with what you want to be or achieve. What new, more positive story can you start telling yourself? Think about how your life looks different with this new narrative in place. Write everything in your journal. Then test the new positive belief – make the new belief the truth instead of the old belief?
5) And the last step is to practice the new belief because if you don’t take steps in the new belief, you are just continuing to feed the old belief. This new page is called “Practice New Beliefs” Here you will write down what steps you are going to take to help you step into the new beliefs you identified in step 4.
Even the smallest step will help solidify the new belief. It doesn’t need to be perfect, just directionally correct. And by doing this, you will be able to let go of the limiting beliefs that aren’t serving you by trading them in for a new positive story. And by practicing it, it becomes a new belief.
What three steps can you take that would move you closer to the new belief? Write them down.
Many times, we seem to be more interested in defending our limitations over achieving our dreams and desires. That doesn’t make any sense at all, except that it’s easier to stay where we are, because we’ve become comfortable there. But what would your life look like if you got out of your comfort zone? What if you took uncomfortable action and became the person you really want to be? Not that long ago, that’s exactly what I did related to several aspects of my life, but especially my health.
I had some challenges in my body that forced me to identify and confront my limiting beliefs around health and wellness including the food I was consuming and my lack of exercise. And through this process of reprogramming beliefs that no longer served me with more positive beliefs about where I was headed, and then taking very uncomfortable action, I was able to get (and stay) healthy for almost a decade now. I got off all pharmaceutical drugs and I lost 140 pounds! It wasn’t easy in any regard, but I dug deep within me, to a depth I never knew existed. And I plan to live these new beliefs for the rest of my life. It’s a much better narrative in so many ways.
Is there something you want to change or achieve in your life, but you haven’t been able to get there? I guarantee it’s limiting beliefs that are keeping you stuck. To help you rewire your brain and move forward, try going through the five steps above to help identify and crush the limiting beliefs holding you back. You’ll more clearly be able to see that your limiting beliefs are not true, and by changing them you truly can change your life. If I can do it, you can too!
If you need a journal for this exercise, you will find affordable journals by clicking HERE to visit my MERCH page – scroll down and look for the journal button. When you click it, it’ll take you to my author page on Amazon which shows you my journals. I recommend a blank journal for this exercise because if you are like me, you will have many limiting beliefs to combat, and a blank journal doesn’t limit you in any way.
The journey to a healthier, happier you is so worth it. I know—because I lived it. I stopped chasing skinny and started focusing on my health—and that single shift changed everything. I lost 140 pounds, but more importantly, I found clarity, energy, and a life that finally feels like mine. I share the whole story in my book. Click HERE to learn more.
