I Know A Few Things About Being Fat

It cracks me up the way “skinny” people who haven’t ever been fat think they somehow are experts at helping fat people get thin. How is that?

It struck me as I was participating on a health zoom call a couple weeks ago when this woman claimed that she had the secret to getting thin and staying that way. Based on her talk, she wasn’t a doctor, dietitian, or even a nutrition expert or fitness coach, she was just a woman who somehow had the “secret” to getting thin (and frankly she didn’t even have a compelling story really). During the webinar, I couldn’t resist, I checked out her Instagram account and website (mostly because she was encouraging it during her talk). I saw hundreds of photos of this beautiful woman ranging from current date all the way back to when she was a lot younger (I’d guess high school age, probably 20 years ago). The photos showed her in her cheer leading outfit, running track, in her swimsuit at the beach, etc. and there was not one fat photo to be found. Not one! Part of me understands that…showing people the fat you is such a vulnerable and somewhat embarrassing position! 

At the same time, I couldn’t help but think to myself, how could this thin person possibly know anything about being fat and the so called “secret” to getting thin? Clearly she had been thin a good portion of her photo documented life on Instagram. Heck, maybe her entire life for all I know. If she had ever been fat, she didn’t talk about it on the webinar nor were her photos indicating such. And I absolutely positively KNOW, there is no “secret” to getting thin. She lost all credibility in my mind. 

Getting thin, especially after 40 can be super hard work. It’s not easy, but learning from someone who has been there can make it easier.

As a former fat person, I know a few things about being fat. I will tell you that as I talk to people about getting healthy and thin, they tell me that they are drawn to me because of my story. Because I’ve been fat and because I understand what they are thinking, feeling, what they are afraid of and how difficult it can be to take a journey to get healthy and slim down. Because I’ve been there!

I was a fat kid and I dieted most of my life. My weight was up and down like a roller coaster… Until I finally gave in to the fact that I was just a fat person and I essentially stopped trying to get healthy or lose weight. At my heaviest, I topped out at a whopping 270 pounds. And because of all my years of being unhealthy and overweight, I KNOW a few things about being fat. Things that a thin person could never know (experience or feel).

• • For one, fat discrimination exists, meaning people are judged, ridiculed and denied access because they are fat. I remember once I was on an airplane traveling across the country. Yes, it was when I was fat, but I was still able to get the seatbelt around my body to safely buckle up. A very large man business man got on the plane and sat down in the seat across the isle from me. Unfortunately, unlike me, he could not safely buckle up with the standard seat belt. He hit his call button and the flight attendant came over to see what he needed. They exchanged words and she came back with a seatbelt extender. Clearly he knew what to do with it, but the flight attendant made such a production about getting it on correctly, as though he didn’t know how to do it, implying he was not only fat but stupid too. And the whole scene brought a ridiculous amount of unnecessary attention to the situation. To make a bad situation worse, the flight attendant laughed as she told the man that the airlines should charge extra for the extender and her time getting him situated correctly (which of course wasn’t funny at all). The man was mortified and I was so ashamed of myself as even though it wasn’t about me, it easily could have been. The memory of that day has suck with me for almost 25 years now, I will never forget it.   

• • A compliment like “You have a pretty face,” or “You have pretty eyes,” is interpreted more like a backhanded compliment (sincere intentions or not). Every fat girl hears, “Too bad you are so fat, you could be a really pretty girl if you were thin.” 

• • People really believe that fat people have some or all of these traits: lazy, weak, unsuccessful, unintelligent, lack self discipline and/or have no willpower.

• • Being fat isn’t always just about food or willpower. As a kid I was called names, teased and humiliated about being fat. Over time, I began to believe it. And because “what you think you become,” so it is (or so it was in my case). I mean if you are told over and over that you are fat, you believe it and become it. Turning off those limiting beliefs is the hardest work ever. 

• • Most clothing companies don’t understand the mind or body of a fat person. I think they think because you are fat, you don’t want to look good or fashionable. They couldn’t be more wrong! They often use outdate fabrics or unbecoming patterns and they don’t understand that the right clothing is very important to a fat person. I also think they forget that some fat people even have a waist line. And the few clothing companies who do understand the mind and bodies of a large person charge A LOT more money for “big girl” (or “big boy”) clothing. Ok, of course it requires more fabric to make a larger size, but the additional money charged for the larger size clothing is absolutely ridiculous and disproportionate to the cost of the extra fabric. 

• • Fat people are ashamed of their bodies and weight. Dahhhh!fat epopl

• • Fat people would never admit it to anyone, but often get trapped in extreme, over generalized and “should” thinking. Here are examples of each:  Extreme thinking: “I can’t believe I ate those two cookies. I have no willpower. I may as well eat the whole bag now.” Over generalized thinking: “I can’t believe I gained two pounds when I’ve been sticking to the weight loss program faithfully. I’ll never lose weight, what’s the point of trying?” Should thinking: “I really should get on the treadmill since I ate pizza for lunch.”  And this kind of destructive thinking keeps us stuck (fat).

• • Fat people are embarrassed to go to the gym or don’t want to do most physical activities (even going for a walk around the block with the dog).

• • Every time a fat person meets with their doctor, the conversation revolves around weight and the need to lose weight to get healthy (regardless the reason for the visit).

• • Fat people worry a lot about stupid but real things. Such as, will the chair support my weight? Will my butt fit in the seat (at the movie, on the airplane, at the concert, on a ride at the fair, etc.)? If the elevator or escalator is out of order, could I make it up the stairs without embarrassing myself or passing out? Etc.

• • Even those who love you shame you for being fat. My father used to tell me that I could be a pretty girl if I could lose a few pounds. As a teenager, I was forced to walk over a mile to and from the bus stop for school (I believe this was his way of making me exercise, “for my own good” of course).

• • Speaking of beliefs, we all have limiting beliefs. They are stories we tell ourselves to protect us yet they keep us stuck in so many ways. But most of us often don’t even realize that the narrative exists. Here are a few of the limiting beliefs that fat people have: “I can’t do it, I’ve tried to get healthy and healthy food tastes awful, I can’t live that way, life is too short not to eat what I want to eat.”; “I’ll start tomorrow.”; “I travel too much to eat healthy and exercise regularly.”; “I don’t have time to prepare healthy meals.”; “I’m predisposed to be this way because of my genetics.”; “There aren’t enough hours in the day to exercise.”; Etc.  These are most often not true and keep us stuck.

• • No matter how hot it is outside, a fat person will rarely wear a sleeveless top or swimsuit in public for fear of being body shamed.  

• • Most fat people may know what it takes to get healthy, fit and lose weight (and many are expert dieters), yet we aren’t willing to do it. Why not? Simply because it’s easier and more comfortable not to tackle such difficult and big life changes.

• • People who are closest to us may not support our health goals to make positive changes for ourselves. Even those people you expect would support you unconditionally.

As you can see by the photo on this blog, I was a big girl. But I got healthy and lost half of my body weight almost a decade ago. I’ve kept every pound that I lost off since I hit my ideal weight, and I’m NEVER going back! I went from a size 24 to a size 6 (sometimes size 4). I ditched all of my pharmaceutical drugs and I haven’t been sick (even through the pandemic) except for the common cold (and only had one cold in the last 6 years). Being healthy and slim is unbelievably life changing in every possible way. I’ll never sacrifice my health again!

If you are struggling with your health or your weight, I truly know first hand what you are feeling because I’ve been there. Being unhealthy and fat not only affects the body, but also the mind and spirit in so many ways (and vice versa).

But, I’m on the other side of that now, and something else that I know is that if I can get healthy and slim down, I know what works and I know you can do it too!  And I want to help!

We can’t control what other people think, do or say but we can control ourselves! The journey to a healthier, happier you is so worth it. I know—because I lived it. I stopped chasing skinny and started focusing on my health—and that single shift changed everything. I lost 140 pounds, but more importantly, I found clarity, energy, and a life that finally feels like mine. I share the whole story in my book.  Click here to learn more and see what’s possible.