Dear kidneys,
I owe you an apology—and an enormous amount of gratitude.
For years, I didn’t understand or appreciate you. I didn’t nourish you. Frankly, I didn’t even think about you—until you started screaming through my symptoms, asking (okay, demanding) to be heard. And once I finally listened, I realized something: this wasn’t just about you. This was about me. All of me. And you showed me that.
Thanks to you, what began as a medical scare turned into a 140-pound transformation that touched every aspect of my life—and it started with two hardworking, bean-shaped organs just trying to keep me alive.
So today, I’m writing you this love letter. Not just because you deserve it, but because maybe someone else out there needs to hear what I wish I’d known sooner.
I Had No Idea You Did So Much
I mean, I understood that you helped flush toxins from my body through my pee. Honestly, that’s all I ever gave you credit for. But behind the scenes, you were working overtime—filtering blood, balancing minerals, managing blood pressure, producing hormones, and keeping those toxins out of my brain and body. Wow… how did I miss all of that?
I’m ashamed that all I gave you was grief. I dehydrated you. I overwhelmed you with sugar, salt, processed food, and stress. I ignored the signs when you started to struggle. I was too busy chasing skinny and living life on autopilot to recognize the role you were quietly playing in my survival.
I didn’t see you. But I see you now. And I’ll never take your work for granted again.
Thank you for being in my corner—even when I wasn’t in yours.
You Were My Wake-Up Call
For decades, I chased skinny. I believed if I could just lose enough weight, everything else would fall into place. I fought my body with every tool diet culture handed me—willpower, restriction, shame. And now and then, I’d win by trying every fad diet known to woman.
The diets were successful to a degree. I lost weight—but as soon as I went off the diet, I gained it all back… and more. Not just pounds. Problems. High blood pressure, high cholesterol, and an achey, bloated, exhausted body.
And then one day, you called my bluff.
It started with a deep, unshakable nausea—one that made food feel impossible. I ignored it, like I’d ignored so many signals before. But this time, my body didn’t let up.
Ultimately, I ended up in the hospital having unavoidable surgery. That was the moment everything changed. It cracked me open—not just physically, but emotionally. And it led to a transformation far deeper than weight loss.
I realized I wasn’t just physically unwell—I was disconnected from myself. I didn’t even recognize the person I’d become.
And then I uncovered something even deeper: A belief I’d never examined until that moment—one that had quietly shaped my choices for years. I believed kidney problems were inevitable for me. They ran in my family. So, I thought they were my fate. I didn’t realize how much power that belief held over me. But just because something runs in your family doesn’t mean it has to run your life.
That’s when I stopped ignoring the signals. I stopped fighting my body and started listening—to all of it.
Thank you for waking me up when I wouldn’t wake up on my own.
You Tried to Warn Me (And I Didn’t Know How to Hear You)
You (my body) were sending signs. I just didn’t know how to read them.
If your kidneys are struggling, they might not send up flares—but they do send messages.
Here are 10 clues I wish I hadn’t brushed off:
- Fatigue that hits like a freight train
Not just tired—soul-tired. I was exhausted all the time. I blamed it on my job, on menopause, on stress. But this was different. This fatigue was heavier, deeper, and it didn’t budge with rest. - Puffiness around the eyes or ankles
This one’s tricky. At 270 pounds, I couldn’t tell what was puffiness and what was just fat. But looking back, there were times I’d take my socks off and see deep marks that lingered. My body was holding onto fluid—and I missed the clue. - Changes in urination
This one was loud and clear. When your pee looks like Coca-Cola, something is seriously wrong. That’s when I went back to the doctor—two weeks after being told everything looked fine—and was immediately sent to the hospital. - Foamy or bubbly urine
I didn’t notice this one, but it’s a sign of protein leaking into your urine—another red flag of kidney stress. - Shortness of breath
I was winded constantly, but I chalked it up to being overweight. Turns out, when your kidneys are struggling, fluid can build up in your lungs—making every breath harder. - Metallic taste in your mouth or ammonia breath
I didn’t realize this was happening until I did a gut health test (shout-out to Viome) that revealed high ammonia levels in my body. I had no idea that was linked to my kidneys. But now I do. - Persistent itching
Not one of my symptoms, but when toxins build up, your skin often tries to help eliminate them—leaving you itchy for no obvious reason. - Muscle cramps or twitches
And they didn’t make any sense. I wasn’t working out. I was barely moving. And yet I’d get muscle spasms that felt like my body was glitching. Electrolyte imbalance from poor kidney function? Turns out, yep. - Brain fog or trouble concentrating
I felt like I was walking through sludge most days. It’s hard to connect brain fog to kidney function in the moment—but when your body’s toxic load is high, your brain pays the price. - High blood pressure
Big yes. I assumed it was all because of my weight. But my kidneys were a major player behind the scenes—and I didn’t understand that until they couldn’t carry the load anymore.
Thank you for being persistent and communicating with me in ways I could not ignore. Thank you for not giving up on me.
Here’s How I Learned to Show You More Love
Sometimes love shows itself in challenging ways – by dishing out disease to get attention (understatement of the century). Supporting my kidneys meant fueling my body with what IT needs, not what I want – with intention – like I actually care.
If I had known then what I know now, here’s what I would have done sooner to support my kidneys (it took me awhile but I finally got the memo):
- Drink water like it matters. Because it does. Hydration keeps everything flowing—literally.
• Go to the bathroom sooner instead of “holding it.”
• Cut back on processed foods and sodium bombs. You were begging for less sludge.
• Ditch the sugar and flour rollercoaster. My blood sugar highs were crushing your balance.
• Eat plants with purpose. Leafy greens, berries, garlic, citrus—all helpers, not punishers.
• Move my body regularly. Walking, stretching, sweating—it all supported your function.
• Sleep deeply and consistently. That’s when real detox happens.
• Stop flooding my system with toxins. From food, from products, from emotional stress.
These aren’t rules. They’re respect. The body wants to heal—it just needs the right conditions.
Thank you for showing me what real nourishment and respect look like.
You Were Never Working Against Me
You were trying to protect me. You filtered and processed and carried me—literally—through decades of poor decisions, harsh self-talk, and neglect. You gave me chance after chance to turn things around.
I just didn’t know how to listen. But I’m listening now. And forever more.
This was always about me. All of me. And you showed me that.
Thank you for being the teacher I didn’t know I needed.
With Much Love!
Ray
Coming September 14, 2025 (available on Amazon and presale going on now): The Awakened Body
My journey didn’t just heal my kidneys. It brought me back to life.
The Awakened Body is my upcoming book—a story of losing 140 pounds, yes, but more than that… it’s about letting go of the fight and finding flow, waking up to my body’s wisdom, and reclaiming the version of myself I lost along the way.
If you’ve ever felt stuck, disconnected, or like your body was a battlefield, this book is for you. Even if you don’t feel that way, you might take a few nuggets from the book. I invite you to click this LINK to easily find my book page and order your copy via Amazon today!